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Ode to Steve

This is my significant other, Steve. Or my “lower half”.

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We’ve been dating for 5 years now. He’s always there when i need him. Like, this morning for instance, I needed to use the restroom and he carried me there. What a doll.


Me and Steve. c. June 2011

This fairtytale romance, however, is not without its faults.

Here are some of Steve’s weaknesses and strengths. Starting with weaknesses!


  1. He has many screws loose. (Sometimes they get lost and i have to go to Home Depot to get him more)
  2. He has a weird hair fetish. (He’s not hairy himself, but hair often gets stuck in his front wheels)
  3. He’s loud and obnoxious. (He squeaks a lot)
  4. He’s not always as supportive as I’d like him to be. (His cushion(s) pop a lot)


  1. He’s really really really good looking. (His wheels are red! What’s sexier than red?)
  2. We fit well together. (His dimensions are a lot nicer than my previous chair that rode like a tank)
  3. He is very faithful, most of the time. (He stays by my side always, unless he runs off with my roommate)
  4. Honest. (You always know where he’s been….because he tracks it on the carpets and the floors)
  5. He’s VERY social. (He loves meeting new people and running over their toes)
Remember when we started those riots in Ukraine?

Remember the time we started those riots in Ukraine?

Yet, it is with this….I say “Adieu, Steve”. It’s been a real nice ride, but you’re getting old and I think it’s better for both of us if you retire. We had a lot of great adventures…like traveling to France, Israel, Ukraine, and…Canada.

I’m trading you in for a newer, younger model. His name is Wayne (after Bruce Wayne).

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You’ll always be in my heart, Steve. But this is goodbye.

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