This is my significant other, Steve. Or my “lower half”.
We’ve been dating for 5 years now. He’s always there when i need him. Like, this morning for instance, I needed to use the restroom and he carried me there. What a doll.
This fairtytale romance, however, is not without its faults.
Here are some of Steve’s weaknesses and strengths. Starting with weaknesses!
- He has many screws loose. (Sometimes they get lost and i have to go to Home Depot to get him more)
- He has a weird hair fetish. (He’s not hairy himself, but hair often gets stuck in his front wheels)
- He’s loud and obnoxious. (He squeaks a lot)
- He’s not always as supportive as I’d like him to be. (His cushion(s) pop a lot)
- He’s really really really good looking. (His wheels are red! What’s sexier than red?)
- We fit well together. (His dimensions are a lot nicer than my previous chair that rode like a tank)
- He is very faithful, most of the time. (He stays by my side always, unless he runs off with my roommate)
- Honest. (You always know where he’s been….because he tracks it on the carpets and the floors)
- He’s VERY social. (He loves meeting new people and running over their toes)
Yet, it is with this….I say “Adieu, Steve”. It’s been a real nice ride, but you’re getting old and I think it’s better for both of us if you retire. We had a lot of great adventures…like traveling to France, Israel, Ukraine, and…Canada.
I’m trading you in for a newer, younger model. His name is Wayne (after Bruce Wayne).
You’ll always be in my heart, Steve. But this is goodbye.